Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Zoo & The Wild

I can post something about bouldering in Vegas every day but it won't change the fact that I'm living in Portland. The nearest outdoor bouldering is close, the temps are near perfect, however the chance of getting three consecutive rainless days to let the rock dry out is rare.

Consequently, the amount of plastic in Portland is absurd. Between the Portland Rock Gym and two Circuit Bouldering Gym locations indoor climbers are fortunate enough to climb new routes every week. The problem arises when what should be a motivating and diverse climbing palette quickly spoils and skews the climber's relationship between plastic and real rock.

I have heard of groups in Portland that only boulder indoors. Year round. At first this seemed unfathomable, however after being slowly lured into a world with climate control, permanent slacklines and top ropes, loud music, cute guys/girls in tight pants, padded floors, and 150-300 routes within a stone's throw I understood fully.

Climbing outside is hard. You mean to tell me that I have to get in a car with my own personal padded floor squares, drive over 5 minutes to a place where I park and then HIKE to some boulders? No, thank you. Next you'll probably tell me that I won't be able to buy my Clif bar and Red Bull at the crag, that I'll have to bring them from home. Plus it's cold as hell outside. And where are all the cute girls? Am I supposed to go shirtless with a beanie without anyone noticing? Where are the huge jug warm ups for me to campus? The slackline? Screw this I'm sticking to the gym.

Gyms are great. Without them we would all be fat and miserable here in Portland. However, it is important to keep a certain level of reality in mind for the members for their own sake. Inflating routes and problems isn't going to make anyone a better climber, just a frustrated one when they decide to actually go rock climbing.


1 comment:

    Hilarious, but true. Sandbag those fools to keep them in check!